


Colleagues with Benefits

by Skylark62



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-03 14:17:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17285636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylark62/pseuds/Skylark62
Summary: Sonny Carisi is visiting a gay nightclub for work when he spots the familiar face of Rafael Barba, and this leads to them changing their relationship. But Rafael is only interested in being colleagues with benefits, whereas Sonny wants more.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year! I have made writing and posting more a goal for this year, so here's one I finished a bit ago. It's finished and will be all up within the next week.

It wasn’t really anything out of the ordinary for Sonny Carisi, going to a gay nightclub, although he wasn’t about to tell Fin that as they got ready. A rapist was picking up his targets at these venues, so they were going to visit a few and show the photofit of the suspect around. It was a bit like searching for a needle in a haystack, but they had to do something. Sonny was interested to see inside gay nightclubs in Manhattan though; he didn’t dare visit these himself when he had a night off and fancied a bit of action; instead he went much further afield so he wouldn’t be at risk of getting caught in the same area he worked.

Sonny and Finn split up once in each nightclub to go round showing the sketch they had gotten from previous victims. They weren’t that optimistic though, and Sonny was getting a bit bored. It’s not as if he could enjoy himself as he was working. He had seen some very nice men though, and it was reminding him just how long he had been on his own. With his long hours in the job plus the work he was doing trying to finish his law degree, he didn’t have much free time. Add to that visiting his family and it reduced even more. He decided he must make more of an effort though. A horny and stressed-out Sonny was a cranky Sonny.

They were visiting their third nightclub when Sonny saw a figure he recognized. He couldn’t believe his eyes at first and had to get a bit closer to see if it actually was him, but just then, the man turned round to face him, and there was no doubt; it was ADA Rafael Barba. He was dressed in casual clothes, although no doubt expensive ones, with a drink in his hand, and being chatted up by the looks of it, by a younger man.

Rafael froze when he saw Sonny and they were both frozen in place for a couple of seconds until Sonny nodded and turned around. Rafael was horrified. He rarely enjoyed a night out like this, especially so close to home, but had risked it and been caught. He watched as Detective Carisi caught a man by the arm and turned him in the opposite direction. When Rafael looked he could see that the other man was Fin. He watched without taking his eyes off them until he saw them leave the nightclub, without Carisi ever looking back in his direction. They had obviously been working, and Rafael wondered what case they were investigating at the moment that he wasn’t aware of. He would have to find out. But in the meantime he would get out of there, as quietly as possible, and ideally not by the main entrance. If SVU were investigating these clubs, there was something bad going on, which he definitely didn’t want to get involved with.

Rafael waited 15 minutes to be sure that the whole of the team had left, and then quietly left by the back exit. It had been a lucky escape. He just had to hope that Carisi wouldn’t say anything to the others. He had always kept his sexuality quiet, although he didn’t lie about it if asked. He didn’t see any reason to publicize it though, and would prefer that the whole of SVU weren’t talking about his private life.

***

A week later, Rafael left the court with a satisfied smile on his face. The jury had found the pedophile guilty on all counts, and he wouldn’t be seeing the light of day anytime soon. The detectives who had made it into the court today to hear the verdict were outside, and he walked up to them to accept their congratulations.

“Well done Barba,” said Liv, patting him on the back. He saw Fin nod at him in agreement.

“I think it was your cross totally wrecking his alibi that did it, although your closing was great too,” Carisi enthused.

“The jury saw through his lies and convicted him, that’s the main thing. I’ll push for the maximum at sentencing,” Barba commented as he walked towards the exit to go back to his office. This case may be over but he still had plenty more on his plate.

The detectives split up from him on the steps to head back to the precinct.

Barba hesitated for a few seconds. “Carisi, have you got a minute?” he asked.

Sonny looked at his boss and at her nod went up the couple of steps back to where Barba was standing. He looked expectantly at him.

“Did you tell Fin or Liv, or anyone else about seeing me in that club last week?” Rafael asked. He was reluctant to bring up the subject, but wanted to confirm what he suspected; that Carisi had kept his mouth shut.

“Of course not. What you do in your private life is your own business, not anyone else’s,” Sonny replied promptly. He continued more hesitantly though. “I was surprised to see you there though. I wouldn’t have thought it was a good idea to visit clubs in the area you work.”

Rafael sighed. “No, it was rather more reckless of me than I usually am. I wasn’t expecting to see anyone I knew in there though.”

Sonny smiled. “I bet you weren’t. That’s why I try to stick to clubs out of the area. I usually go to Club Evolution in Jackson Heights when I have a weekend off, like this Saturday. You should try it sometime.” Sonny gave Barba a grin. He really didn’t expect the older man to consider going to a gay club if he knew Sonny was going to be there, but he thought it was worth a try. If nothing else, it would reassure the ADA that he would keep his secret, considering he was gay himself.

Rafael looked surprised at the comment from the detective. Was he actually coming on to him by telling him where he was going on Saturday night, or was it just his way of letting him know he was gay too? He really couldn’t tell. He decided to give a non-committal answer.

“I’ll bear that in mind. Anyway, thank you detective, for being discrete.” Rafael nodded to him and started to walk away, but watched Carisi bound down the steps to meet up with the other detectives who were getting coffees at a nearby refreshment stand.

***

Over the rest of the week, Rafael couldn’t stop thinking about Carisi’s comments. He hadn’t suspected he was gay, in fact had thought he might have a thing for Rollins, as he had heard the detective spent quite a bit of time with her outside work and was good with Jesse. But there was no doubting that he was either gay or bisexual now, not if he went out to Club Evolution. Carisi had always sucked up to him since he started with SVU in Manhattan, and Rafael had always considered that it was professional admiration, but now he was starting to reevaluate it. Maybe Carisi had a little crush on him, and was hoping he would go to the club.

Rafael couldn’t deny that the detective was attractive, although he hadn’t thought so at first with that awful mustache and the ill-fitting suits, not to mention the inexperience with the job. But now he had shaped up as a detective and budding lawyer, and was wearing outfits that fitted him well, emphasizing his physique. Also, Carisi would have as much to lose as he did and had proven he could be discrete. Maybe he could have a little dalliance with him. It would be safer than picking up someone from a club or bar.

He was still hesitant on Saturday evening, but in the end he decided to go. He got the subway there and entered the main room. He sat in the bar area and got himself a drink, and looked around. He had been there before, many years ago, but the whole place had been upgraded since. He was older than most of the men there, but was enjoying the Latin music which was playing, and also the fact that it wasn’t too loud where he was sitting.

Rafael felt a hand settle on his shoulder and turned round to see Carisi settling in on the barstool next to him. He had a beer in his hand and looked very different to how he did at work, with his hair more casual and wearing fitted jeans and a black T-shirt. By the time he looked at Carisi’s face again, he saw a grin there; the detective had obviously seen him checking him out and liked it.

“Nice to see you here, Counsellor,” Sonny said. Rafael immediately glared at him.

“Don’t call me that here!” Rafael hissed at him. What was the point of going somewhere far from where he lived and worked if Carisi was going to call him that?

“Okay, sorry. What do you want me to call you when we’re outside work?” Sonny asked. It had been an accident, as he was used to referring to the ADA in that way, but could see it wasn’t appropriate here.

Rafael hesitated for a second, before deciding that if the evening was going to go the way he hoped it might, then he might as well not try to keep up any formality. “You can call me Rafael out of work.”

Sonny grinned. He had hoped that would be the answer. “Great. You can call me Sonny!” He announced.

Rafael took a sip of his drink. Was this really a good idea?

“So, have you been here before?” Sonny asked.

Rafael raised one eyebrow, at the comment, which was altogether too much like a chat-up line, but then deigned to answer. “Yes I have, although not for some time. It looked different last time I was here.”

Sonny nodded. “They do change things round every 5 years or so. I haven’t been coming here that long, but I like the music, it’s not too difficult to get to, and still away from home and work. I enjoy it here, although I haven’t had time to come often, what with work and studying.”

“How’s that going?” Rafael asked. Usually he tried to avoid the detective telling him about his studies at Fordham Law as he had better things to do with his time at work, and wanting to keep things professional between them, but this was a different situation.

Sonny grinned again, and then told Rafael what he was currently covering in the classes. This led to a discussion of different cases that had been used to highlight certain important points, and Rafael told the budding lawyer how he had come across these in his working life. Sonny found it really interesting, and helpful to hear how what he was learning was still currently being used in the courts.

In turn, Rafael was enjoying their discussion. He liked to show off his legal knowledge, especially when he had a rapt audience in Sonny, which was good for his ego.  But this evening was not meant to be about work, so he decided to change the subject.

“So how is your family? You’ve a niece now, haven’t you?” he asked.

Sonny’s eyebrows rose, as he wasn’t used to the older man asking him about his personal life, although considering the circumstances, it shouldn’t surprise him.

“They’re all great, thanks. Tommy’s been promoted to supervisor and doing really well in the job. Now his probation is over he really feels he can make a fresh start. My niece is lovely. I go round and babysit every week so Bella and Tommy can have a night out together. I see less of my other sisters, but we catch up every few weeks to a month.”

Sonny hesitated. Rafael had never shown any inclination to share anything about his private life, but maybe he would tonight.

“So how about you, Rafael? Do you have much family?”

Rafael took a sip of his drink before answering. He rarely discussed his family at work, although Liv knew about his mami and abuela, and he had told Amaro about his father.

“My mom still lives in The Bronx, and runs a charter school. She’s kept very busy. My father died 15 years ago, but wasn’t in our lives before that anyway. He was abusive, so it was really just me and my mom, and my grandmother. She died last year. ”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve still got a couple of grandparents alive, but we’re not as close. You’re an only child?” Sonny asked. At Rafael’s nod he continued. “I can’t imagine that. Having 3 sisters growing up was noisy and you had to fight for attention at times, but it was never dull. Lots of love to share around. I know Bella has said she wants at least one more kid, although not yet.”

“Do you want children Sonny?” Rafael asked.

Sonny shrugged his shoulders. “It’s difficult being gay. On one hand it would be great to meet someone and have a family, but it’s expensive if you use a surrogate, and although things have changed, adopting if you are in a gay relationship is still hard. That’s assuming I find a partner who wants children too. I’ve got children in my life though, so if that’s all I ever have, that’s okay for me.”

Rafael decided to change the subject. He didn’t want to get too personal with Sonny, when he had no idea where, if anywhere, this was going.

“So, do you like dancing?” he asked. He’d seen Sonny’s foot tapping to the music which was being played.

Sonny smiled. “Yeah. Do you want to dance?” he asked. He couldn’t imagine the uptight lawyer he worked with letting loose on the dancefloor, but if he was going to get the opportunity to see it, he definitely wasn’t going to turn that down.

“Sure,” Rafael answered, finishing his drink and putting his glass down before standing up. Sonny copied his actions and the two men made their way to the dance floor. The music was louder here, but then talking wasn’t their aim.

Sonny watched in astonishment at how relaxed Rafael seemed on the dance floor, and he definitely could dance. Sonny was feeling hot just from watching his hips snap in time to the music, and imagining those hips moving in another setting. He really hoped that tonight was going the way it seemed to be. Surely if Rafael wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t have turned up, or asked him to dance.

When the music slowed down for one number, Sonny took a chance and moved closer to Rafael, putting one arm around his waist. He waited with baited breath to see what the older man’s reaction would be. They were in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by other couples, most of whom were grinding against each other and making out. What he had done was very tame. It would be the first overt move towards something other than friendship though.

Rafael looked at Sonny and could see the nervousness in his eyes. He knew this was the time he needed to either put Sonny off or move things forward; decision time. He took a breath and looked Sonny up and down, seeing the lithe body moving in time to the music. He wanted that body against his own, and not just on the dance floor. Time to take a chance.

Rafael smirked at Sonny and moved closer still, putting one hand on his chest. He could feel the rapid heartbeat under the T-shirt Sonny was wearing, and knew it wasn’t just because of the dancing. He looked up at Sonny, the difference in their heights being emphasized by how close they were standing. He saw Sonny look at his mouth, then lick his lips. It was obvious what he wanted to do.

Sonny didn’t know if he dared kiss Rafael in the middle of this club. He wanted to, so much, but still he hesitated. He thought he had made it obvious what he wanted, so decided to let the older man make the next move. Instead he carried on dancing, never taking his eyes off Rafael’s face, and waited.

Rafael continued to dance, letting the suspense between them rise, before finally moving forward further, and tilting his head up so his lips met Sonny’s. He kissed him slowly, and then more hungrily, at the same time pushing his hips forward so they met Sonny’s, and pushing one thigh between the younger man’s legs. They were both hard, which was obvious now they were pressed together.

Sonny gasped at the sensation, and this was taken advantage of by Rafael, who immediately deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue into Sonny’s mouth and exploring. Sonny groaned and weaved his free hand through Rafael’s hair, holding him in place. This is exactly what he had always wanted with the older man, but never thought he would get. He responded to the kiss, and met Rafael’s thrusting hips with his own. This was threatening to get out of hand rapidly.

Sonny pulled away to breathe and then moved to nibble the older man’s earlobe. “Do you want to get out of here?” he said directly into his ear to make sure he was heard over the loudness of the music. He saw Rafael’s nod, and took his hand as he led them to get their coats then outside the club.

Rafael took charge once they were outside, hailing a cab and getting in, giving the driver his address. Sonny got in after him and sat next to him, not touching or speaking.  Rafael could still feel the throbbing in his groin from their passionate kisses in the club, and when he looked over at Sonny he could see the bulge at his groin indicating he was still in the same state.

They didn’t speak all the way back to Manhattan, but both of them could feel the sexual tension in the air. When they arrived at Rafael’s building, the ADA thrust a few notes at the driver, telling him to keep the change, and got out of the cab, swiftly followed by Sonny. He made his way into the building and up to his apartment. Finally they were alone.

As soon as Sonny entered the darkened hallway, Rafael moved in on him, pushing him against the wall as he closed the door. He pulled Sonny’s head down for a kiss, and it was like they were back in the club again, both men’s bodies together from head downwards, kissing and moving against each other in passion.

Rafael pulled away just long enough to pull the pliant detective with him to his bedroom, and then they started kissing again, while fumbling to take each other’s clothes off. It took a few minutes, but eventually they were naked, and Rafael pushed Sonny back to lie on the bed while he looked at him. The detective was all pale long limbs with discrete muscles, and a hard cock pushing up from his groin. Rafael licked his lips. He had been on his own for far too long and had missed this. He got on the bed himself and leaned over, taking the head of Sonny’s cock in his mouth and sucking gently.

Sonny arched up off the bed, not expecting such an exquisite sensation. He knew he wouldn’t last long though, considering it had been a long time since he had been with anyone, so he reluctantly pulled Rafael off of him after a couple of minutes. He turned the tables and rolled Rafael onto his back, kissing him then exploring the body that was so different to his. The older man had much stockier limbs, tanned from his holiday and with much more hair, especially chest hair. There was softness around his middle, but Sonny liked this too, and he loved the hard cock that he happily took in his mouth.

Rafael gasped as Sonny started sucking him and palming his balls. This was great. But he wanted more. He twisted his body and reached with one arm into his bedside drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom, both of which he passed to Sonny.

Sonny looked up in surprise, pulling off the cock with one last lick to the dripping slit. “You want me to fuck you?” he asked. He saw a grin on Rafael’s face.

“Yes. Is that a problem?” the older man asked.

“No problem at all,” Sonny replied without hesitation. He went back to sucking on Rafael’s cock, this time opening the bottle and coating a couple of his fingers with lube before moving them to Rafael’s entrance. The older man took one finger without difficulty, but when Sonny added a second one, it took a few minutes before he opened up and started thrusting back. Sonny angled his fingers towards the older man’s prostate, and heard the groan as he hit his target. A few minutes of this stimulation and Rafael more easily accommodated a third finger.

Sonny pulled away from Rafael’s groin, and quickly put on the condom, watching as the older man repositioned himself with a pillow under his hips and pulling his knees back towards his chest. He couldn’t believe he was about to do this. It was one of his fantasies come to life. He moved into position and felt Rafael’s legs wrap around his waist as he slowly pushed forward, entering the older man in one long slow thrust.

Rafael gasped at the sensation of being filled. It had been far too long and he had missed this. He pulled Sonny down for a kiss and once he felt comfortable, started to thrust his hips up. It took a few movements before they got the angle right so Sonny was hitting his prostate each time, but this and the younger man’s lube-covered hand wrapped around his cock soon had Rafael on edge. He came with a cry, quickly followed by Sonny.

The two men lay slumped together on the bed as they got their breath back. Rafael reached into the drawer again, pulling out a pack of wet wipes, which he used to clean himself up of the streaks of come that covered his abdomen and chest as well as the lube, and then threw them in the bin by the bed, quickly followed by a tissue that Sonny added which was wrapped around the tied-off condom.

Sonny looked at Rafael, not quite sure what to expect now. Tonight had been a total shock to him. He really hadn’t expected the ADA to show up at the club, never mind actually be open to anything more than a professional relationship. Of course, he didn’t know what Rafael wanted now. This could be a one night stand, never to be repeated or discussed again. Sonny hoped not, but even if this was all he got, it would accept it.

“That was good Sonny, thanks,” said Rafael. “But it’s late and I’m tired. You can have a shower if you want to before you go.”

Sonny was disappointed, but not surprised. Although he would have loved to spend the night with Rafael, and maybe had chance to have another session the following morning, he really hadn’t expected Rafael to be up for that.

“Yeah, a shower would be good thanks. Where is your bathroom?” Sonny asked. He got directions and after one last look at the relaxed ADA, he headed out and quickly washed away all the sweat from their shared passion.

He got back to the bedroom with just a towel wrapped around his hips, and Rafael immediately got up and headed into the bathroom himself. He didn’t take long, and Sonny had just found and put on all his clothing which had been randomly spread around the room, when the older man was back. He was covered up in what looked like a silk black robe, and stood expectantly, obviously waiting for Sonny to leave.

Sonny looked at Rafael and saw not the friendly man he had gotten to know a bit better that night, but the more closed off look of the ADA he usually saw at work. It was time to leave.

“Thanks for a good night, Rafael. Let me know if you ever want to do it again,” Sonny said with a smile at him as he walked out. He hadn’t been able to resist letting the older man know that he was happy to have a repeat performance. He walked to the door and hesitated before opening it, then seeing that Rafael was staying out of reach, decided against any further contact. He opened up the door with a smile and closed it behind himself, hearing the lock click behind him. He walked home, trying to think about how good the evening had been, and not the abrupt dismissal at the end of the night.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

The next few weeks passed as normal, with no sign that anything had changed between Rafael and Sonny. The detective was disappointed, but concentrated on the fact that it had happened in the first place, and on making sure that he did nothing to reveal that anything personal had occurred between the two of them.

One Friday Sonny was with Fin collecting a warrant from the ADA’s office and as part of the small talk before they parted ways, he managed to drop into the conversation that he was looking forward to having the weekend off, and going clubbing on Saturday night. He looked straight at Rafael as he said this, but detected not even a twitch to indicate that the older man had understood his suggestion. But Sonny knew very well how astute Rafael was, and was sure that he had picked up on it. Either way, he would go to the club the following night and hope that Rafael showed up.

Sonny had been there for an hour, had a few drinks and a dance, but not found anyone that he was attracted to. He tried to not spend the time looking round to search for Rafael, but was having a difficult time not doing so. As a consequence, he noticed immediately when the older man entered the club. A big grin spread across his face. He headed to the bar and got himself another drink, and tried to wipe the happiness off his face. He didn’t want Rafael to think he was that keen on him.

A few minutes later Sonny looked around from talking to one man to see Rafael sat on the bar stool next to him. He smiled at the ADA and greeted him.

“Rafael. Nice to see you here again.”

Rafael smirked. “Don’t sound so surprised Sonny. You told me you would be here deliberately in the hopes that I would come here tonight.”

Sonny smiled. “True. But I didn’t know you actually would decide to turn up.”

Rafael looked him up and down before replying. “I finished the work I needed to do and felt the need to relax, so decided to take you up on your invitation.”

“And what did you decide that invitation involved?” Sonny asked.

Rafael shrugged. “Drinks, dancing, conversation…maybe more.”

“I think all of those are very possible,” Sonny said with a grin, checking Rafael out just as thoroughly as the older man had done to him only a few minutes ago. The older man looked hot in a tight shirt and jeans, both no doubt designer. The shirt was open enough to show the start of his chest hair. Sonny could feel himself getting aroused just looking at him.

Rafael grinned, being able to read Sonny well enough to tell what effect he was having on him.

Sonny saw the look on Rafael’s face, and colored; well aware he had just given himself away. But really, Rafael already knew that Sonny was attracted to him, and they had already been to bed, so there was no need to be embarrassed. He decided to get over it.

“Fancy a dance, Rafael?” Sonny asked, gesturing towards the dance floor.

Rafael nodded and finished his drink before following Sonny to the middle of the throng of men moving in time to the music. He stayed close to Sonny, not seeing any reason to deny the reason he was there, and the two were gyrating together very quickly, their bodies together.

Sonny was the first one to give in and kiss Rafael, and was gratified when the older man responded. This was still a bit risky in public, despite them not being in a club near home, but it was still pretty tame.

This time it was Rafael who pulled away from Sonny and dragged him from the dance floor. Enough foreplay. He wanted to get off, sooner rather than later. The two men quickly made their way outside and were on their way back to Manhattan.

So much for conversation, Sonny thought. But really he wasn’t about to complain. Although he liked what he had seen of Rafael when he was relaxing outside work and had wanted to know him better, getting out of there and hopefully back to Rafael’s comfortable bed was no hardship.

They quickly got naked again and as before, Rafael was keen for Sonny to fuck him. Sonny wanted to slow things down though; to explore the naked body before him, and learn what made Rafael scream. So he took his time, slowly making his way from limb to limb, muscle to muscle, finding hot spots on his ear, his clavicle and hip.

Sonny looked up as he reached Rafael’s legs, seeing the hips thrusting up to get more contact with him and the red, sweaty face of the older man, obviously on edge with arousal. Sonny grinned then lowered his head, taking the dripping cock into his mouth before pulling off with a plop to move further down and suck gently on his balls.

Rafael’s head thrashed from side to side on the pillow. He had enjoyed their last encounter, but it hadn’t been anything special, so had been relatively easy to put out of his mind. This on the other hand was anything but forgettable. He felt Sonny’s tongue at his entrance and gasped. He couldn’t take much more.

“Please,” he called out, his voice deeper than usual and husky. “Please.”

Sonny gave one last swipe with his tongue over the quivering hole then moved away with a big grin on his face.

“Speechless Rafael? I never thought I’d see that happen. What is it that you want?”

When there was no immediate answer forthcoming, Sonny continued, “do you want me to fuck you again? Fill you up with my cock until you scream?” He moved so he could reach into the bedside table and pulled out a condom and the lube, sheathing himself in the condom and smearing lube around the outside of it as he waited for an answer.

“Yes, now,” was the response.

Sonny smiled as he quickly used one then another finger to open Rafael up sufficiently. He was feeling impatient himself now, finding that all the foreplay had turned him on. He wasn’t sure how long he would last, although probably longer than Rafael, by the look of him.

Rafael pulled Sonny up to kiss him and wrapped his legs around his waist, and then moaned as he felt the detective enter him in one long thrust. Within seconds his prostate was being stimulated and he knew he wasn’t going to last.

Sonny watched with satisfaction as he saw the ecstasy on Rafael’s face as he came, feeling the streams of hot come pulse between their bodies. He only lasted a minute or two longer himself, giving in to the urge to thrust quicker and harder until he reached his peak.

Sonny slumped down on top of Rafael and got his breath back before he managed to roll off and clean up a bit. Rafael still appeared to be out of it. Sonny grinned to himself again. He had no doubt how good that had been for the older man.

Rafael eventually opened his eyes. He couldn’t remember when he had had an orgasm so strong. He felt as weak as a kitten and truly sated. He glanced over at Sonny and saw the look on his face. He was definitely feeling rather too pleased with himself. Rafael tried to think of a snappy comeback but failed.

Sonny leaned over Rafael and gave him a kiss. He didn’t think he could get away with cuddling, but he wanted some affection if he could get it. But after a few minutes he pulled away again, feeling the sticky feeling of sweat and come drying on his skin.

“I’ll go and get a shower. It doesn’t look like you’re capable of moving yet.” Sonny gave Rafael a smug grin as he said that, getting a glare in return, but still no comment. When he got back to the bedroom, Rafael was still lying in bed.

Sonny caught his eye. “So are you going to kick me out again?” he asked, thinking being direct was the best option.

Rafael sat up and sighed. “Sonny, we work together. We can’t have anything other than a professional relationship.”

Sonny snorted. “Do you call what we just did an aspect of that professional relationship? Somehow I don’t think Liv or the DA would see it that way.”

Rafael glared at him. “No, it isn’t professional, and we really shouldn’t do it. But what we currently have can’t be more than this.”

“You can’t be friends with people you work with then? I don’t buy that. You’re pretty good friends with Liv.”

Rafael got up and put on a robe hanging behind the bedroom door. “Yes I am friends with Liv, but I’m not fucking her,” he retorted. “What is it you want Sonny? Because I’m not your friend or your boyfriend, and we can’t have that type of relationship. We work together and occasionally fuck. That’s all it will ever be. If you can’t handle that, then we’ll go back to being just work colleagues.”

Sonny sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. This wasn’t how he wanted the conversation to go. “Okay. I’m sorry. I enjoyed what we did and wanted more, but I understand you don’t. Tonight was good though, and if you want a repeat sometime, let me know. I promise no more hassling you for more.”

Rafael looked at him for a minute to assess his honesty before nodding at him. “I’m going for a shower,” he said as he walked out of the room. As he showered, he thought back on the conversation. He was no good at relationships, and didn’t have time for one, even if he had wanted one with Sonny, which he didn’t. He enjoyed sex, and when it was as good as what they had just shared, that was just a bonus. But anything more with Sonny just wasn’t on the cards. Neither of them were out, work would be a problem, and they were at different points in their lives. There was no point in even thinking about it. It was sex only or nothing. A little voice in the back of his mind told him the sex had been so good because he had felt loved, his body worshiped. He ignored it. He didn’t need or want love, only sexual release every now and then.

Sonny was fully dressed by the time Rafael got out of the shower, and helping himself to a drink of water. He stared out of the window at the impressive view. Inside, he was kicking himself. Way to kill the afterglow, he reprimanded himself. He gave Rafael a great orgasm and then before he even had chance to get his breath back, started hassling him for more than he was willing to give. Now he had probably stopped any chance of Rafael being willing to have sex with him again. He schooled his he face to hide how he was feeling when he heard Rafael walk into the kitchen.

“Nice view you’ve got here,” Sonny asked casually. “I’m looking forward to upgrading my view one day. Currently I can see the back alley behind my building and the trash bins.” He finished drinking the water and set the glass down on the counter. “I’d better go. Thanks for the company, and sorry again.”

Rafael nodded at Sonny and headed to the door with him, seeing him out and locking the door behind him before going to bed. 

*** 

Sonny made even more effort to treat Rafael normally at work after that, as if to prove he could have a professional relationship with him. He didn’t make any more suggestions of going clubbing though, as he didn’t want to be rejected. He was still feeling a bit sore about the argument they had had. He always got too invested when he liked someone, and he had admired Rafael since he first met him, with his feelings only getting stronger with what had happened between them.

Instead he tried to focus on his studies, and put all his efforts into finishing his degree. He managed to get some dialogue going between Rafael and himself as he asked for some tips on one of the case studies he was working on, and then he started to bug him to let him shadow him in court.

Eventually Rafael agreed on the Hodda case, and that seemed to do the trick. Sonny picked up on something Lewis Hodda said that Rafael had missed, and following that, any slight coolness that had been between the two of them vanished.

After the trial had ended as a mistrial, they discussed over a drink in his office how the ADA would approach the trial of Hodda for the abduction of Wyatt Morris, now his parents had agreed to let him testify.

Sonny was gratified to find that Rafael was opening up to him and actually listening to his suggestions, without dismissing them out of hand and making sarcastic comments, as he often did.  He could see the strain the ADA had been under. The lines on his forehead and shadows under his eyes had deepened during the last few days of the trial, and judging by the way Rafael was rubbing his neck, he was in need of a massage and a break from the stresses of his job. Still, Sonny hesitated to say anything, not wanting to rock the boat now things were finally good between them.

Sonny finished his drink, and stood up, putting his coat on. “Thanks for the drink Counselor. I’m off to visit Rollins again now. You should get out of here. You look like you need a break and to relax.”

“Are you suggesting I look stressed, Carisi?” Rafael asked haughtily.

Sonny laughed. “Yeah, you do. It’s not a good look for you. Plus you keep rubbing your neck. So get out of here and get a massage to relieve the tension or some other relaxation. I think you need it.” He finished this up with a slightly suggestive look, and saw the answering smirk on Rafael’s face.

“I might just do that. Give my best to Rollins.”

Sonny smiled and headed to the door. Before he opened it, he paused and turned around. “If you need any help relaxing, let me know. My sisters can vouch for how good my massages are.” He smiled and then walked out. Rafael could read whatever he liked into that comment. He was good at massages and would be happy to give the older man one, and if he wanted a happy ending, well, he’d be very pleased to supply that too.

Rafael felt a burst of arousal go through his body at Sonny’s comments before he left, even though they hadn’t been overly suggestive. He knew what the detective was offering though, and was very tempted to take him up on the offer. He definitely could do with a massage, and more.

He thought about it as he headed home, getting a shower and leaving the water from the massaging showerhead beat down on his sore neck. The two of them had definitely gotten over their argument last time Sonny had been over here, and they were getting on better than ever. Maybe he could add sex back into the mix without it causing a problem. He had made himself very clear last time that this was all it could be. He smiled as he got himself another drink and sent Sonny a text.

***

Sonny was in the waiting room of the hospital when he got the text from Rafael. “If you are free later, I could do with some help relaxing. You know where I am.” He grinned. He would definitely do that.

It was a tense wait for news, but eventually the nurse came out to tell them that Amanda had given birth to a little girl, and both mother and daughter were doing well. They were allowed a quick visit, but then shooed away.

Sonny caught an uber to Rafael’s apartment, and was let in immediately when he pressed the buzzer. He headed up in the elevator with a sense of elation, but determined this time not to say or do anything to make Rafael call things off again. He had been given a second chance, and he would make the most of it. This was sex only, and he would just appreciate what he could get.

Rafael opened the apartment door when Sonny knocked and let him in. As the detective took off his coat, he decided a bit of small-talk would ease the slightly awkward atmosphere.

“How’s Rollins?” he asked.

Sonny grinned and pulled out his phone, showing a picture he had snapped of Amanda and baby Jesse. “It was a difficult birth but mother and daughter are both doing well.”

Rafael looked at the photo, seeing the detective looking sweaty and exhausted, but with a beautiful smile on her face, holding a red faced tiny baby.  “Good. I’m glad it worked out after the worries of the last few weeks.”

Sonny put his phone away and looked at Rafael. “So, what have you done to try and relax?” he asked.

Rafael nodded towards the glass of whiskey on the counter. “I’ve had a long shower, but my neck still feels tight.”

Sonny grinned. “I definitely think you need a massage. I’m happy to give you one. Do you have any massage oil?”

Rafael nodded, and headed towards his bedroom. Sonny followed and took the bottle that Rafael handed to him.

“This will work great. If you strip off to the waist and lie down, it would be easier to massage you while you’re lying down.”

Sonny watched as the older man stripped off. Despite his slightly older body, the sight of it still sent arousal through Sonny. He took off his shirt and tie – no need to get massage oil on them, and kept his undershirt on. When Rafael was lying on his front on the bed, he got on himself, straddling the older man’s hips, but keeping his own raised so he wasn’t resting on Rafael. He needed to give a massage first, before thinking about more.

Rafael felt nervous at first, not sure what to expect, but soon felt himself relaxing as Sonny started working on him. He definitely was good at this. He could feel the knots in his shoulders and neck dissolve under the skilled hands of the detective.

“Wow, you definitely have a lot of knots here. You need to get a massage much more often than you do,” Sonny commented. He extended his strokes all down Rafael’s back, concentrating when he felt a knot of muscle, and not stopping until every tense spot he could find had been banished. He ran his hand smoothly up the warmed oily back, more in a caressing movement than massaging, and leant over to murmur into Rafael’s ear. “So, is that enough, or do you want a happy ending to your massage?”

Sonny held his breath while he waited for the answer. It came as Rafael turned over underneath him and pulled down Sonny’s hip until he was sitting on him, and could feel the hard ridge of his aroused cock in the crack of his ass.

Rafael was grinning up at him. “What do you think Sonny?” he said. Feeling Sonny’s talented hands on him had reminded him how good the sex had been last time they were here. It was just the ending he needed to the night.

Sonny laughed and leant down, rubbing his hard cock against Rafael’s, and then getting off the bed to remove his clothes. Rafael did the same, and then they were both on the bed, naked, and kissing erotically.

“Would you fuck me?” Sonny asked in a whisper when they broke the kiss to breathe.

Rafael looked surprised, but couldn’t deny that he liked the idea. “I can do that,” he replied, before reaching for the lube and a condom. He used his fingers to open up the younger man, finding that it took a while. Obviously Sonny didn’t do this often.

There was no hesitation though when he pulled up his legs to his chest, urging Rafael to “come on, do it now.”

He put on the condom and lubed it before sinking into the tight heat. He groaned. He had forgotten how good this could feel. Usually he wanted to be fucked and so the infrequent times he had sex, he generally wasn’t the one topping, but this felt great. He started thrusting, feeling the clenching of Sonny’s muscles around him, and accepting the thrust of his tongue in his mouth in a parody of what their bodies were doing.

Sonny couldn’t stop himself moaning. It was rare that he had bottomed, but he had wanted to know what it felt like with Rafael. He grabbed his cock with his hand still slick with massage oil and jacked himself off in sync with Rafael’s movements, feeling the pounding of Rafael’s cock on his prostate. He came with a scream and felt the rhythm break as Rafael chased his own orgasm, following Sonny over the edge only a few thrusts later.

Rafael pulled out and removed the condom before slumping to the bed in exhaustion. A stressful week followed by a blissful massage and then sex had definitely guaranteed a good night’s sleep for him.

Sonny looked over at Rafael and grinned. “I bet you’re feeling relaxed now, aren’t you?” he said cheekily.

Rafael couldn’t help himself, and burst out laughing. “Yeah, that I am. Thanks Sonny.”

Sonny nodded. “You’re welcome. Any time.” He got up and headed to the bathroom, and into the shower. He could feel tenderness in his backside he hadn’t felt for a long time, but it was a welcome feeling. It would remind him of what they had done long after he got home.

This time he was quick to get dressed and headed home as soon as Rafael got out of his shower. He had learnt his lesson.

***

The next time the two got together was at Rafael’s suggestion. It had been a very stressful day for all of the SVU squad as Liv was taken hostage, and narrowly missed being killed. Rafael could see the tension in Sonny’s face after the crisis was over and realized that the aftereffects of adrenaline needed to be released somehow.

He caught Sonny’s eye as they watched the ambulance take Liv and the Crivello family to the hospital. “Do you need to stay here, Carisi? You look rather tense and in need of relaxation,” he commented in a quiet voice. Despite them being surrounded by police, no-one was paying them any attention.

Sonny looked round, shocked, not having expected the comment. His mind had been completely on Liv and what she had been through. Now he thought about it though, he realized he was pretty freaked out at what had happened. He looked around. This wasn’t their case, and ESU were handling the clean-up. Two of the perpetrators were in custody and had confessed, and the third was dead. There was nothing for him to do here.

“I shouldn’t have to stay long. Yeah, I do feel a bit tense,” he said, looking at Rafael and rubbing his neck.

Rafael nodded at him, “I’ll see you later then, detective Carisi,” he said as he turned and walked away.

Sonny watched until he was out of sight, and then looked around for Sgt Dodds to find out if he could get out of there.

***

An hour later, Sonny was knocking on Rafael’s apartment door. Rafael let him in and then poured out a drink for him. Something was bubbling on the stove.

Sonny sniffed the air. “What’s that?”

Rafael turned from stirring the dish. “Ropa vieja,” he replied. “beef in a tomato sauce,” he added. "I didn’t get any food today and doubted you would have either. Are you hungry?”

Sonny smiled as his stomach gurgled. “Starving. Thanks. I didn’t know you could cook,” he commented.

“Sonny, the list of things you don’t know about me would fill a book,” Rafael said dryly.

Sonny bit his lip to stop himself pointing out that that was because Rafael wouldn’t allow him to get to know him. Instead he kept quiet, and tucked in when a plate of rice and beans with ropa vieja was put in front of him.

“This is delicious,” Sonny commented, smiling at the chef. “You must give me the recipe. I love cooking new dishes.”

Rafael smiled at him. “It’s my mom’s recipe. She used to cook it from when I was small. It’s traditionally Cuban, pretty easy to do.” He decided to change the subject. “So how are you after today? You looked pretty stressed out earlier.”

Sonny shrugged. “I was worried. I feel I’ve fitted in here, and gotten to know everyone pretty well, unlike in other departments I’ve worked, so although I’ve seen people I work with hurt before on the job, this felt different. These situations are always tense though.”

Rafael nodded. “It’s not something I’m used to, although now I seem to be seeing it more and more, what with Liv being in William Lewis’ clutches twice and also the shooting in the courtroom last year during Johnny D’s trial.”

Both men were silent while they finished up their meal and drinks. Then Rafael got up and gestured towards the bedroom to Sonny. “So do you still feel tense and need relaxing?” he said with a smile.

Sonny laughed. “Relaxation is always welcome Rafael. Lead the way.” He followed the older man into the bedroom and started taking off his clothes. Rafael stopped him and kissed him, taking him in his arms and pulling their bodies together, before continuing where Sonny left off and removing his pants. Sonny reciprocated, and soon both men were naked on the bed.

Although no words were said between them, they caressed each other and kissed until they were both hard and aching. Rafael got out a condom and lube and held them up to Sonny with a questioning look on his face.

Sonny smiled. “I don’t mind. Whatever you prefer,” he murmured, and then bent down to kiss Rafael again. He heard the older man open the condom and then felt it being rolled down his cock. He reached for the lube and quickly prepared his lover.

Rafael felt his tension subside as Sonny filled him. He loved this so much. Sonny moved slowly, caressing the parts of his partner that he could reach and kissing him passionately, before reaching down and pulling his cock in time with their movements. They spiraled higher and higher, both coming with a groan.

As was now usual, Sonny got his breath back before heading off to the bathroom, then getting dressed and going home.

 


	3. Chapter 3

The next six months saw Sonny and Rafael get together a couple of times each month, with relaxation and a neck rub being code for a suggestion to rendezvous. It was always at Rafael’s apartment, and didn’t involve much more than sex. Occasionally there was some conversation or a drink involved, and one other time food. But overall it was pretty much a sex-only meeting each time.

But Sonny was finding it more and more frustrating. He loved the sex, but increasingly he was struggling to not want more. He spent time outside work with Amanda and Jesse, and they spent evenings in front of the TV, went out occasionally and shared meals. It was platonic, but it reminded Sonny of all the good points of a relationship he was missing. He wanted this with Rafael, along with the sex, and cuddling. He missed cuddling.

Amanda watched him one evening as they watched TV. She could see unhappiness in his eyes, and it had been increasing recently. She thought of him as a good friend, and wanted to help.

“What’s the matter Sonny?” she asked.

He looked round at her, surprised. “I can see you’re not really happy, even though you try to cover it up. Maybe talking about it would help?” she suggested.

He sighed. “I’ve realized recently that I’m pretty lonely, and want more to my life than work. It’s great spending time with you and Jesse, and also my sisters and niece, but I want something of my own, a relationship of my own.”

Amanda looked a bit wary. “You’re not suggesting you and me,” she said hesitantly, waving her finger between the two of them.

Sonny burst out laughing. “Good lord no way,” he said.

Amanda looked affronted. “Well I don’t feel that way about you either, but you don’t need to make it sound such an outrageous idea.”

Sonny calmed down and then said hesitantly. “I’m gay, Amanda.” It was the first time he had come out to someone he worked with.

Amanda was surprised. She had never even suspected, although she had never heard him mention any girlfriend or ex.

“Okay. So if you want a relationship, what’s stopping you going out and finding someone? I’m sure you shouldn’t have too much difficulty.”

Sonny raised his eyebrows. “Was that a compliment?” he asked with a cheeky grin.

Amanda shrugged. “Well there’s no accounting for taste. I’m sure someone must find you attractive, and you’re a good cook, and pleasant company.”

Sonny shook his head. “It’s not that easy.” He paused, not sure how much to say. “I’ve met someone I really like, but he only wants a casual relationship. I want more, but I know I won’t get it from him. I’m still finding it difficult to let go though, and I know I won’t find anyone else while I’m still stuck on him.”

Amanda went to get another beer and passed one to Sonny too. “Unrequited love is a bitch. I know it well. But you need to either not see him again and try to get over him, or persuade him that he wants more with you.”

Sonny sighed. Not seeing Rafael again really wasn’t an option as they worked together. “What should I try to get him to want more?”

Amanda thought about it. “Make sure he has a great time with you each time you do see him, and leave him wanting more. I’m assuming by ‘casual relationship’ you mean sex?”

Sonny smiled but didn’t reply. Amanda laughed. “I thought so. Make sure it’s good sex.”

Sonny looked at her with a smug grin on his face. “Oh, believe me, that isn’t a problem.”

Amanda raised one eyebrow. “Ooh, not so modest are you?”

Sonny grinned. “I know where my talents lie, and I can assure you, he has absolutely no complaints in that department.”

There was silence for a minute before Amanda changed the subject. She hadn’t had sex since Jesse was conceived and discussing it just reminded her of that. “Okay, so other things you can do. How about making him jealous? Maybe if he sees you with someone else he would realize he could lose what you have now.”

Sonny thought about it. “That’s not easy to do when neither of us is out.”

Amanda shrugged. “It’s an idea. You’ve come out to me tonight. So why do you keep it quiet? You should know by now that none of us at work will have a problem with you being gay.”

“I know, but it’s just been easier not to say anything. Other cops can still be homophobic. Maybe I will think about it.” He saw Amanda stifle a yawn and looked at his watch. “It’s late. I’d better go.” He gave Amanda a hug and then let himself out. 

***

Over the next few weeks he did think about it. He was still being a bit hesitant to do anything about it though, until an opportunity dropped into his lap. He decided to run with it.

The SVU squad and Barba were out having drinks celebrating the end of a successful case when discussions of the weekend came up. It was Friday night and the squad wasn’t on rotation that weekend. It seemed like everyone had plans, and eventually Amanda asked Sonny what he was doing. He remembered that he had received an email about a party night at Club Evolution, so commented that he had plans for the following evening.

Amanda took a sip of her drink and raised one eyebrow. “Hot date?” she asked.

Sonny hoped fervently that she would be discrete and not say anything to give away any of the things he had confided in her last month.

“I’ve been invited out to a club I sometimes go to. They are having a party night, so it should be fun.”

Amanda laughed. “Ahh, so it is a hot date. Good for you Carisi. I miss clubbing. Now with Jesse, I don’t think I’ll be doing that for a while.”

Sonny changed the subject to babysitting and let the subject of his night out drop. He could tell from the way Rafael had stiffened across the table that he had been listening. His mind was whirring, not quite sure what to do about this situation. He hadn’t been to the club since he had last visited with Rafael, but the older man would be expecting him to be going the next evening. He could of course not bother, but he decided he should. He wasn’t sure if Rafael would think that comment was for him, and decide to come to the club, but on the off-chance he did, maybe it would an opportunity to make him jealous, and put his only vaguely thought-out plan into action. 

So the following evening, Sonny walked into the club with an ex of his, with whom he was still good friends, and who he had explained his quandary to. Jeff had laughingly agreed to come to the club with him as friends, but pose as more should Rafael turn up. He was teasing Sonny about the situation though.

Sonny had deliberately tried to concentrate on Jeff and not look round for Rafael, and they were on the dance floor, in each other’s arms before he glanced casually at the bar and saw the older man sat there glaring at him. Sonny tensed, and Jeff immediately noticed.

“He’s here, I assume,” Jeff said, moving closer to Sonny as they danced. Sonny nodded stiffly.

Jeff moved round so he could see the bar and easily zeroed on Rafael as the man that Sonny had the crush on. He laughed. “Well judging by his face, making him jealous is working. If looks could kill I’d be dead by now. I suggest you stay here and let him stew for a bit before going over to talk to him.” Jeff could see the worry in Sonny’s eyes and knew it was quite possible he wouldn’t stick to his guns and see this plan through, but instead go groveling back to Rafael.

Sonny took in a deep breath and looked at Jeff before nodding. Two more dances, he told himself, then he would walk over to the bar and get himself a drink and talk to Rafael. He spent the time draped over Jeff, his hips moving in time to the music and appearing to be attentive to his partner, but inside he was only thinking of Rafael, and running through what he was planning to say.

When Sonny got to the bar, he stood next to Rafael as he waited to be served, and then sipped his drink before turning and looking at the ADA, but not sitting down, as he wasn’t planning to stay there. He had bought a drink for Jeff too, something he was sure the older man had noticed. Rafael had his best professional look on, the one he used in court when he was covering up how he was feeling so the jury and defense couldn’t read him. It was working. The only thing that gave him away was the white knuckles clenched around his scotch glass, which showed he was not as relaxed and calm as he was trying to appear.

“Rafael, I didn’t think you would be here tonight,” Sonny commented.

“Apparently not, as you have already found yourself a companion this evening,” Rafael retorted.

The detective shrugged. “Jeff’s a friend, often more than that. He invited me tonight and I haven’t been out dancing in a while or seen much of him, so I accepted. I did say last night I had been invited out tonight.”    

Rafael stiffened. “Yes, I did hear that. I misunderstood.”

There was silence for a moment before Sonny sighed. “I’d better get back to Jeff with his drink. He’ll wonder what happened to me.”

“You’re going to leave me and run off back to him?” Rafael questioned, with a sneer in his voice which told Sonny what he thought of Jeff. 

“Yes,” he said, glaring at Rafael. He picked up both drinks and turned away but felt a touch on his arm before he could move. He looked back and saw a look on Rafael’s face he struggled to interpret.

“Look I’m sorry you misunderstood last night, but I’m here with Jeff. What did you expect? That I stayed at home waiting with baited breath for you to decide you want a bit of sexual relief? We haven’t made any commitment to each other: quite the opposite. So you can’t expect monogamy from me. I enjoy our encounters, but you know I want more than just sex, and if I can’t get that from you, then I will look elsewhere.” Sonny waited to see if Rafael would make any response to this, but all Rafael did was let go of his arm and nod.

Sonny walked away, struggling not to look back or do what he really wanted to do; turn around and go back to Rafael. He knew he needed to see this through. He did want more than just sex from Rafael, and this was his only chance to move their relationship on. If it did the opposite, and drove the older man away, then that was a risk he would have to take. At least if that happened he would have his answer, and hopefully would be able to get over Rafael and find someone who could make him happy.

Jeff took the drink from Sonny’s hand and saw the unhappiness in his eyes. He put his arm around him and led him away to a different area of the club, out of sight of Rafael, who was still watching them from the bar. Sonny tried to enjoy the rest of the evening, but his heart wasn’t in it, and although Jeff suggested they go back to his place after they decided to leave, he didn’t bother. He only wanted Rafael.

***

 

 

The next week, Sonny made a point of treating Rafael exactly the same as he usually did. He quizzed him about the evidence needed and asked him a question about how he planned to try and trip up the defendant on the stand, but there was no personal talk between them.

On Friday Rafael was prepping him for the case, and it was late by the time they finished going through Sonny’s testimony. Rafael put down the case notes with a sigh and walked over to his bureau, getting out a glass and his bottle of scotch before pouring himself a drink. He got out a second glass and glanced quizzically at Sonny, then filled the glass at Sonny’s nod. He sat down on the couch and sipped his drink as Sonny joined him.

There was silence for a minute as neither man knew what to say.

“I’m sorry,” Rafael said quietly.

Sonny glanced at him in surprise. “What for?”

Rafael shrugged. “If you want to go out with other men, then it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have made assumptions, or snapped at you.”

“So why did you?” Sonny asked him.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you with someone else. I didn’t like it.”

Sonny laughed. “You don’t want me yourself apart from when you need a bit of stress-relief or should I say sexual relief, but you don’t want me to be with someone else. I should have expected that.”

There was silence for a minute before Sonny continued, in a quiet voice. “Look Rafael, I enjoy what we have, but you’ve known from the start that I want more. I want a relationship, to spend time with someone who cares about me, and hopefully share my life with that man fully. All around me I see friends settling down, even at SVU everyone has more in their life than just work. I want that too.” Sonny was watching Rafael and could see this was getting to him. He decided to turn the conversation away from himself and see if he could get the older man to open up. “Why don’t you want more for yourself? What has happened to you that you won’t allow anyone to get close to you?” 

The older man didn’t make eye contact with Sonny, but looked into his drink, debating on how to answer. “I’ve been hurt in the past, and came to the conclusion that the only person I can rely on is myself. I don’t trust love. Getting close to people just gives them ammunition against you.”

“Wow, that’s cynical, even for you,” Sonny commented. “It’s also really sad. You’ve got a lot to offer, and it’s a shame you won’t let anyone try to make you happy. Surely you’ve got enough friends to know that not everyone is going to hurt you?”

Rafael laughed cynically. “My oldest and closest friend was Alejandro, and he turned out to be a pedophile and blamed me when he got caught. I was close to Yelina too – she was my first love – and she dumped me for Alejandro. Most of the people I spend time with now are contacts through this job, and most social nights out are for networking. They aren’t people I’m close to, or confide in. Even Liv, who I would say I  am good friends with, didn’t trust me enough to tell me about her relationship with Tucker.”

“If you approach every friendship believing you can’t trust the person, then you will be disappointed. It goes both ways. Do you ever confide in Liv? If you don’t, then you’ve got to expect she won’t do the same with you.” Sonny was watching Rafael closely, trying to see if he was getting through to him or not.

“I’m probably too far the other way. I trust people until they show me I can’t, and because of that I’ve got a lot of friends and had plenty of relationships. Yes I’ve been hurt but I’d rather give people the benefit of the doubt and be optimistic. Hell, I haven’t even given up on us yet.” Sonny watched Rafael as he made the last comment, wanting to see his reaction.

Rafael looked confused. “Why not? Why would you want a relationship with me? I’m bad tempered, irritable, and work all the time. I care too much about myself and not enough about other people and don’t trust anyone. I’m too old for you, and far too cynical.”

Sonny grinned. “I know all these things about you already. We are different, but opposites attract. You are cynical and closed off, and would need someone open and optimistic like me to give balance. The age thing really isn’t an issue; I’ve always liked older men. I also know you are dedicated and will fight for the victims and for justice, even at a cost to yourself. You’re hard working and always try to do the right thing. You do care about people, even if you try not to show it. You have this prickly exterior to protect yourself, but I know inside you’re a good man, and if you allowed yourself to let someone in, and even to fall in love, I think you would be happier.”

Rafael looked at Sonny in amazement. “You really think I should just open myself up and fall in love?”

Sonny grinned. “Only with the right person of course. “

Rafael laughed. “And I suppose you think that person should be you.”

“I’m very lovable,” Sonny answered with a grin. “Come on, you’ve opened up to me more than most other people, I don’t believe that you don’t trust me, and we have a lot in common with our jobs. We know the sex is great, and as I’ve been chasing you, you know I’m not about to hurt you. What have you got to lose?”

Rafael sighed. He was scared of getting hurt, but still, he was tempted. He couldn’t deny his attraction to Sonny, and the memory of the last week when he envisioned Sonny moving on to someone else was still with him. There was more to consider though.

“What about work? Neither of us is out, and if we did get involved, we would have to disclose.”

Sonny shrugged. “Disclosing means that you would have to inform the DA and not use me as a main witness at your trials without informing the judge. It doesn’t mean everyone would have to know. I’m not about to suggest we walk hand in hand into the precinct or court house. I would need to tell Liv, but I can’t see her having a problem with it. Amanda already knows I’m gay and I don’t think any of the others at SVU would have an issue with it. They are the most open-minded squad I’ve worked with.”

“I don’t know, Sonny. It’s a lot to think about,” Rafael said. He just wasn’t sure he could take a chance again.

“All I’m asking is that we try,” Sonny said. “We can take things slowly and go on a date. How about going to dinner and a show tomorrow night?”

Rafael looked at him, surprised. He thought for a few seconds then slowly nodded. “Yes, that sounds good.”

Sonny beamed. “Great! I’ll pick you up at 6.” Sonny finished his drink and stood up. Although he was tempted to stay, and let something happen between them tonight, he wanted to wait. He suspected Rafael would try and talk himself out of this before tomorrow, but he wanted a real date with him. He had to be sure Rafael would be willing to do this before he got more involved. He knew he could so easily fall in love with the older man, but didn’t want to do that if Rafael wouldn’t give them a chance.

Rafael stood up and watched Sonny pick up his coat and bag before heading out of his office with a grin still on his face. The ADA sat down again and refilled his glass, sipping slowly as he went through the conversation they had just had. He couldn’t quite believe he had agreed to a date with Sonny tomorrow night, and was contemplating actually having a relationship with him. This was not what he planned. He couldn’t deny the warm feelings he had inside though, as a smile started on his face.

***

The next evening, Sonny knocked on Rafael’s door on time. He was dressed up in his tux and knew he looked good, although when Rafael opened the door and Sonny saw his no doubt designer tux that fitted him like a glove, he knew he didn’t look as good as the older man. Rafael didn’t appear to find his appearance off-putting though, as he stood in the doorway, taking in every detail of Sonny’s appearance before he stepped out and shut the door behind himself.

They caught an Uber to the theatre district and picked up standby tickets, good naturedly arguing about what the best shows currently were showing. Although Sonny quickly realized he was less up to date and had seen fewer shows than Rafael, he felt he held his own in the conversation and had surprised the older man in revealing what he had seen and liked. It was another thing they had in common.

They found a restaurant that Rafael liked which had a table for them, and chose food and had their drinks served before they started talking again.

Sonny took a sip of his drink and looked at Rafael curiously. “So Rafael, you can cook and enjoy the theatre. What else do you do in your limited spare time that I don’t know about?”

He grinned. “What? You don’t think you should spread out what you learn about me rather than have me tell you everything all at once? We might run out of conversation for future dates.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Sonny commented, although inwardly he was thrilled at the confirmation that Rafael was open to more dates, and wasn’t going to back out on the idea of trying out a relationship.

“Okay. One more titbit for you. I enjoy singing.”

Sonny felt his mouth drop open in astonishment. This he hadn’t expected. “Are you any good?” he asked.

Rafael smirked. “That you will have to wait to find out for yourself. But I supplemented my income at Harvard by singing in one of the bars. I find it relaxing, although I rarely get the opportunity now.”

“So our next date is at a karaoke bar then,” Sonny suggested with a grin. 

As he had expected, Rafael glared at him in disgust. “Definitely not. I wouldn’t consider singing in one of those places.”

Just then their food arrived, and they tucked in with enthusiasm.

The show they had decided to see was Indecent, a drama with an explicit depiction of a lesbian relationship. They discussed it on the way back to Rafael’s apartment, having decided to walk back part of the way, and it led to a conversation about the perils of being gay in this day and age. They both agreed that things were much better than when the play was set, a century before.

“When did you come out?” Sonny asked Rafael.

“I guessed I was gay or at least bisexual in my teenage years, but considering where I lived, in the Barrio, I already had enough problems without giving my enemies more ammunition. I had a relationship with Yelina, but I knew it wasn’t right. She felt more of a friend to me than a lover. It wasn’t until I got to Harvard that I allowed myself to experiment with men, and realized that is where my true interests lay. How about you?”

Sonny smiled. “Like you, I was a teenager. But I was less than subtle in showing who I was attracted to, and my sisters quickly picked up on it. They were great, but my parents took a while to come round. I’ve taken various boyfriends home over the years and it has been fine.”

Rafael sighed. “My mum has finally accepted that I am gay and not likely to settle down. I think she is most disappointed at not getting grandchildren though. I’ve never introduced her to anyone I’ve been seeing, but I haven’t really had any relationships that got that far for a long time.”

Sonny thought about probing more, but didn’t want to push it. He could tell by the way Rafael had stiffened up that he wasn’t comfortable with the conversation, so decided to drop it.

“Well I am definitely glad I am gay in this country and this time period. Things might not be perfect now, but they are a hell of a lot better than they have been in the past, and still are in other countries, and even states.”

By this point they had reached Rafael’s apartment, and Sonny hesitated. Rafael stopped and raised an eyebrow at him and Sonny grinned. “It is our first date, I didn’t want to make assumptions…”

Rafael rolled his eyes before pulling Sonny by his arm into the building. “I think we’re past first date status in most ways, don’t you? Get in here.”

Sonny laughed as he walked with Rafael up to his apartment and the older man let them in.

***

Rafael took off his coat and shoes then went to his kitchen to get out glasses and the bottle of whiskey, which he brought to the couch where Sonny had relaxed. He felt nervous for some reason. Not because of the sex he knew would be coming, but because he wasn’t sure how to react in this situation. With Sonny and men before him, his usual routine of letting them in to have sex and then immediately kick them out had worked for him. He knew he couldn’t do this tonight to Sonny. But he was still nervous of opening up too much, and getting hurt, despite knowing Sonny well enough to know it was unlikely to happen.

He felt as if Sonny could read his mind as he saw the detective watching him as he approached and sat down. Then he relaxed and smiled, reaching for the drink and starting a new conversation.

“How long have you lived here? It really is lovely.”

“Since I started working in Manhattan. I had wanted to live in this area for years and when this place became available I snapped it up quickly. It’s expensive but worth it, although I am at work too much to spend as much time as I’d like here.”

Sonny sighed. “Yeah, I know what that’s like. Not that my place is particularly nice, but even so, with the time at work and my other commitments, I don’t have much down time. Things will improve though as I have nearly finished my degree, and then only have the Bar exam to get through.”

“That won’t be easy to do, with a pass rate of only around 70%. But if you want any help, you can ask me. It might have been a while since I sat it, but I passed it first time and am here if you want anyone to bounce ideas off or quiz you.”

The budding lawyer smiled at him. “Thanks. I may take you up on that. I really want to get this over with, not because I’m anxious to change jobs, but just to have it finished and get some free time back. I’ll consider my options if and when I have the option to do so.”

“You’ll get there. You’re just starting your career and have plenty of time.” Rafael could feel the weight of his career on him. Was it right for him to consider getting involved with Sonny who was only just starting out? The 10 year age-gap between them seemed suddenly much larger.

Sonny laughed. “I’m hardly just starting my career! Yes, that may be true of being a lawyer, if I decide to go that route, but I’ve been with the NYPD for more than 10 years. Don’t act as if I am a 20 something year old law graduate. You’re not corrupting me.”

Rafael allowed himself to relax a bit again, knowing what Sonny said was true.

Sonny moved towards him on the sofa, and his voice had deepened. “But, if you want to take advantage of me, I won’t object.”

He felt a shiver of arousal go through him and he pointedly looked Sonny up and down, noting the bulge at his groin and the way his eyes had darkened. He moved forward and gently kissed him, not being able to resist any longer.

Sonny responded immediately, and any plans Rafael had for going slowly were immediately abandoned as they started making out on the sofa. Eventually he managed to pull back though, and suggest they move things to the bedroom. In only a couple of minutes, they were kissing again, this time both naked on Rafael’s large bed.   

Rafael took in a deep breath and moved away from Sonny, hearing the whine that escaped the detective. He well remembered their second encounter, and how Sonny had made him feel so loved and taken care of. He had never reciprocated, but now their relationship had changed, that he wanted to do so.

He took hold of Sonny’s hands which were trying to pull their bodies back together, and pulled them up above his head so they were wrapped around the headboard. “Keep them there,” he told the detective in a low voice, before setting about doing all he could to arouse and discover every sensitive point on his body.

Within minutes, Sonny was thrashing about on the bed, and his pleas for more were getting desperate. Still, Rafael kept him waiting a bit longer before finally giving in to his own arousal and putting the condom on the very hard cock jutting out from the detective’s lean body. He knew neither of them had the patience to wait while he opened Sonny up at this point.

Rafael straddled the detective and opened himself up while Sonny watched, before slowly lowering himself down until he was fully impaled.

“Please, let me touch you,” Sonny begged. Rafael nodded, and immediately the detective let go of the headboard to pull him down into a kiss with one hand, with the other going to his cock.

Rafael groaned as he felt the tight grip on him, and instinctively ground down hard on Sonny, who thrust upwards in response. Their rhythm synchronized and speeded up as their arousal grew, and neither broke eye contact as they moved together urgently.

It couldn’t last, as they were both far too turned on, and their rhythm broke as they approached their peaks, before tumbling over the edge. Rafael slumped down on top of Sonny before rolling to the side, not wanting to crush him with his weight. That had been great, and it took him a few minutes to open his eyes.

He looked round and saw that Sonny looked more tense than he had expected, considering what they had just done. All of a sudden, it occurred to him why Sonny was anxious. This is where in the past he had kicked the younger man out of bed. He knew he had to reassure him.

He moved forward to kiss Sonny, and felt the younger man relax slightly. He had never made any attempt to touch him after sex in the past. They kissed for a few minutes before the stickiness between them started to bother Rafael.

“We’re rather sticky. Do you fancy sharing a shower?” he asked. The nearly blinding grin he got from Sonny gave him his answer.

***

Sonny woke up at first not knowing where he was, but the feel of spooning behind another person was definitely welcome, and when he opened up his eyes to reassure himself that he was with Rafael, he felt happier than he could remember feeling for a long time. He hadn’t been sure that their date would go well and that Rafael would really go through with changing their relationship. Even after the mind-blowingly great sex, he hadn’t been convinced the older man wouldn’t expect him to leave. But their shared shower, although not sexual as they were both sated, had been all that he could have hoped for. Sonny remembered being given free rein to touch as he soaped up and rinsed off his lover, and then had the favor returned, before they sleepily dried off and returned to bed, cuddling together under the bedclothes to sleep.

He saw Rafael’s eyes open and grinned at him, getting a glare in return. It was good that those didn’t work on him.

“Oh God, you’re a morning person aren’t you? Stop thinking so early when we don’t have to get up.”

Sonny laughed. “Sorry. I was thinking about last night. I really enjoyed our date.”

Rafael glanced at Sonny. “Me too.”

“I’m looking forward to another one. I really want to give a relationship between us a chance, and if last night is any indication, I think it will be great.”

The older man sighed, giving up on the idea of more sleep. “But you do realize things won’t always go so well don’t you? I know you’re optimistic in general, but there are plenty of problems that can stop this working.”

Sonny nodded. “I realize that. I’m just glad you’re willing to give it a chance. There are no guarantees with any relationship but if we both try, I believe we can make it work, and at the very least have plenty of fun trying.”

Rafael smiled. “I’m up for that. But the next thing you need to learn about me is not to expect any serious conversation until I’ve at least got some caffeine in me. This early in the morning, the only things I enjoy apart from sleep are coffee and sex.”

That was an invitation Sonny had no intention of turning down. He reached down to take hold of the hard cock that was pressed into his hip. “Those are things I like too. Do they need to be in that order?” he asked, nibbling Rafael’s earlobe.

Rafael gasped. “No. Coffee can wait.”

 


End file.
